my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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