I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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