I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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