Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize