i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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