for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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