My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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