to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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