Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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