Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize