Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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