he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize