This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize