Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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