Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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