just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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