It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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