I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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