He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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