puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize