I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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