What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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