U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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