My first STD was from a foam party
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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