Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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