When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize