Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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