I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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