I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize