1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize