Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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