did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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