I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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