Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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