FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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