god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize