Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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