I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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