Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
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Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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