how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize