i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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