Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize