nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize