an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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