You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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