Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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