Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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