it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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