I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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