Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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